Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
