Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
