just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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