P.S. I can't hear my feet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And then he peed in my hair
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