Swine flu. Run for my life!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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