I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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