how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize