Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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