my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
