i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
