Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
