Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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