There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
