What did we do last night that was yellow?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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