I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
