Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
