I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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