it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
