sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
