just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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