Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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