When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
