Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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