i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
