Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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