i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You smell like stripper and shame
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
