Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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