You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
