i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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