me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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