hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
