And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
