just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
