i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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