i already hear my dad disowning me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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