apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
