Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
