Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
