I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
