Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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