Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
