Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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