I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
