come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
