her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
