she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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