The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
