i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
