Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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