one might say we're banned from that church
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
