woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love you. Go after that dick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
