He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
