my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's get the cat blown out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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