Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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