Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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