it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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