she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
