kristin has been a bad kristin
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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