Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize