At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
