I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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