so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm really busy with my period
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