For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
