I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
