I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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