Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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