first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
