I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
