Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
