I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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