Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
