I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
