Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
