Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
