who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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