OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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