2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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