If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
