Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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