I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
