I wish I only lived at night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
