Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
