why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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