We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
